Getting Grown

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I remember as a kid I used to always say how I couldn’t wait until I got older. I would roll my eyes (behind my mothers back of course) and silently suck my teeth while my mother chastised me, for who knows what, repeating to myself how I couldn’t wait until I got old enough to do whatever it is I want. Well that day came and when it came not only did I realize I was old enough to make decisions but what I did realize was I didn’t know what I wanted to do. All of those moments of wishing and hoping for the opportunity and there I sat dumbfounded and clueless as to what the rush was about. So, what did I decide to do? I decided to grow up and take responsibility for myself and my family. By that time I was a soon to be 30 y/o woman with a husband a 13 y/o stepson and a 3 y/o little boy. While I could have chosen to just do what was good enough, I decided to break the mold and do what I truly felt like doing…leaving.

No, I didn’t leave my family, I left the military after 12 years of service and did not one time look back. Was I scared…YES! How could I not be? The military provided food and clothing for my family. It helped me buy my first home and allowed me to own fancy cars. Of course I was scared of letting that go and freeing myself from the norm. But the question I later asked myself was…am I afraid? The answer was a resounding no.

If you are reading this and saying to yourself  “What is she talking about? Scared and afraid are the same thing,” then I need to let you know that they absolutely are not. Scared is more or less frightened or fearful while afraid is filling yourself with regret. I’m “scared” to let the possessions go but I’m “afraid” that if I stay the woman I never got to fully experience will die a little bit more inside. I knew right then that in order for me to get to know my grown woman self, I had to first make a decision to “get grown.”

Getting grown is all about making tough decisions and sticking to them. It’s about making choices that aren’t whimsical but rather purposeful. Getting grown is also about listening. How many times did your parents tell you when you were a child to just be quiet and listen. I know I heard it a million times as a kid and I tell the same thing to my children now “you don’t listen, hush because you don’t know what you’re talking about.” But that moment when you can look at your circumstances and see progress or know that what you’re doing is contributing to a process, then you have listened and you’re in fact…getting grown. When you can look at a situation and know that there is no other option but to do what is right…you’re getting grown. Or what about that time when you sat back and asked God what your purpose was in life…yup, you guessed it, you were getting grown. Getting grown comes from experience and wisdom. It comes from making a conscience decision to not take everything personal and to just let the little things go. Getting grown means that I can’t drive a Lexus and not have any money in the bank. It means those shoes need to stay at the store because my bills need to get paid first. It also means the man that I let sleep in my bed last night but creep out this morning is not enough for me.

No one said getting grown was easy but no one also said getting grown was impossible. So, what was your revelation? Or hell…have you even had one yet. Do you know if you are grown or not?

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